I haven't blogged in nearly 2 months. The holiday rush, work, kids, grandkids, life. Things are settling back into normal (whatever that is) and so I wanted to post instead of just enjoying everyone else's blogs. I've been reading blogs written by survivors of sexual abuse. I came across one that I found very interesting and so true and I quote - Often we hear victims say, "I'm moving on with my life" But the abusers, the criminals, the bullies, don’t move on. They thrive in the knowledge that their victims will, most often, move on. Essentially cowards themselves, they understand that their victims will protect them – by preferring the easy way out. By shutting up. By not calling a crime a crime. By leaving undefended the abuse. Fighting my own court battle for 2 years now with little results and certainly no justice and 6 months of ongoing therapy I find myself angry at victims that won't speak out. Never mind that it took me 25 years to speak out. I've been freed from the shame, the fear, the grasp of the abuser. It's all back on him. So looking from the inside out and back in again I can see more clearly......JUST SPEAK OUT! It's so liberating to the body, mind and soul. I can say one thing for sure, this made me a fighter. I never remember fighting as much as the day I faught against abuse. I'm thankful to have that fighting spirit. I'm also thankful, that after all the reading I've done I don't suffer from most of the things child abuse victims suffer from. My therapist told me yesterday, there are two kinds of people. One is the pessimist.....it's always gonna be bad, this will never end, it's all my fault. And the optimist (that's me) this will end, and until it does I'll make the best of it, it's NOT my fault. I guess I've been an optimist all my life. I knew one day it would end and I knew I had done nothing to deserve it and I faught to get free. Sexual abuse against children is a vicious cycle of being abused, living in shame, not being able to function as a normal adult and sustain healthy relationships. Sometimes becoming an abuser to others or yourself. Recently all the talk of gun control has angered me. Not that I don't think changes need to be made, but the right to bear arms is a constitutional right. Somehow we've become more focused on things like that then other serious issues. As I sit two years and counting, waiting for some justice I realize the court system stinks!!! Sorry if you work in the system. But you gotta admit that changes are needed here too. I know there is a burden of proof, but geeze to allow cases to drag on for years while a child molester is on the streets. Just give the guy a gun and tell him to feel free to kill whomever he wants why don't you? Because essentially this is what's happening.......he's killing youngsters everytime he touches them. When we begin to look at the core of what's wrong with our nation, this is at the heart. To often it's something we don't talk about.....I'm guilty of this. Instead of opening up and talking to our kids about it we sweep it under the rug. I can tell you that I see a huge difference in the way I was not talked to and the way my cousins were talked to. Then we allow molester to walk free as cases drag through court on delays for this that and the other. Do you have to be Gary Sandusky and have molested umpteen children in a very public college town to get your case pushed through the system at a high rate of speed? Or do you have to take a sawed off shot gun to a movie theater and kill a mass crowd? What's the deal? I'm truly sorry is this post seems dark and depressing. Just thoughts that I needed to vent and this is the place I do it.
Happy Hump Day
If justice isn't served here, there will be a day
